Adoptive Parents: Are You Burning-out Or Experiencing Blocked Parenting?

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Quiz Questions

1.
I wake up drained before even starting my day.
- A.
  Everyday
- B.
  Most days
- C.
  2-4 days a week
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
2.
Self-care is something I do...
- A.
  Every day
- B.
  Most days
- C.
  2-4 days a week
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
3.
I get emotionally close to my child when s/he is distressed.
- A.
  Always
- B.
  Most of the time
- C.
  Sometimes
- D.
  Once in a while
- E.
  Never
4.
I find myself dreading social activities with my child(ren).
- A.
  Always
- B.
  Most of the Time
- C.
  Sometimes
- D.
  Once in a while
- E.
  Never
5.
What is the point of trying to be a better parent?
- A.
  I have completely lost the point.
- B.
  When nothing changes, I feel hopeless and pointless.
- C.
  Sometimes I get down, but mostly I want to be my best to support healing.
- D.
  I'm always trying.
- E.
  I am on a mission to be a positive parent.
6.
I parent the brain of my child...
- A.
  Always
- B.
  Most days
- C.
  2-4 days a week
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
7.
I feel overwhelmed and out of control with my child(ren).
- A.
  Everyday
- B.
  Most days
- C.
  2-4 days a week
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
8.
When my child melts down...
- A.
  I can't get away fast enough.
- B.
  I get angry.
- C.
  I feel emotionally hooked and can only sometimes stay nearby.
- D.
  I go close to give comfort and safety but have trouble calming myself down.
- E.
  I almost always stay fairly calm, go close to give comfort and safety, and I stay near until soothed.
9.
As a parent..
- A.
  hands down, I am here for the long, difficult journey.
- B.
  I'm going to get all the support I need to stay the course.
- C.
  I'm not cut out for it and wish every day I wasn't one.
- D.
  I'm done spending so much time trying to make it better.
- E.
  I hardly care anymore.
10.
I would rather be...
- A.
  with my child(ren) than most other places.
- B.
  with friends and my kids because more is better.
- C.
  alone in my room than with my family.
- D.
  anywhere without my kids.
- E.
  a dust bunny than endure this for an entire childhood.
11.
My child(ren) doesn't show a lot of care for me...
- A.
  because they were harmed by abuse and abandonment before coming home to me.
- B.
  because they are having a hard time just dealing with their own lives.
- C.
  because they are selfish.
- D.
  because they only care about themselves.
- E.
  because they have no conscience or ability to love others.
12.
I have less than 8 hours to myself a week.
- A.
  Every week
- B.
  Most weeks
- C.
  1 week per month
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
13.
During my free time, I worry about all the things I need to get done.
- A.
  Everyday
- B.
  Most days
- C.
  2-4 days a week
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
14.
I don’t have time to work out, and when I do have time, I don’t have enough energy to do it.
- A.
  Everyday
- B.
  Most days
- C.
  2-4 days a week
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
15.
I have a hard time sleeping at night.
- A.
  Every night
- B.
  Most nights
- C.
  2-4 nights a week
- D.
  Only every once in a while
- E.
  Never
16.
I feed the kids...
- A.
  and myself healthy foods so we are at our best.
- B.
  healthy foods, though I rarely eat with them.
- C.
  as well as I can, but it's hard to keep up with it and I don't half the time.
- D.
  what they want so I don't have to listen to their complaints.
- E.
  whatever is around because they don't care.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Little to No Blocked Parenting
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Congratulations! You are managing to take pretty darned good care of yourself and the hearts of your child/ren. You have a solid understanding of what is going on in your relationship with your child from difficult beginnings and are balancing your self-care with the care of your challenging children. Currently, you are not at risk of becoming blocked in your parenting. You are amazing and rare. Continue working on maintaining your healthy habits, seeing your children through a brain-based, positive parenting lens, and stay aware of how your perspective can change when things get stressful. Of-course, it can be hard to raise children with neurodiverse brains, so you might consider getting support to stay on the therapeutic parenting path to keep you happy and healthy for the journey into adulthood.
2.
Minor Risk of Blocked Parenting
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Hey, you are occasionally running into days throughout the week where you feel more tired and stressed than is good for you. Because of this, you may be in the very beginning stages of blocked parenting. Take some time each week to make sure you are resting and re-centering yourself around self-care, and brushing up on your daily therapeutic parenting goals before filling up your emotional space with the needs of your children and family. You are truly terrific and it may take some extra support from those who understand your life to stay happy and healthy for the long haul.
3.
Approaching Blocked Parenting Fast
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Most days, you feel like you are running on empty and can't seem to find much to look forward to (other than trying to get sleep). You, my dear parent, are on the road to blocked parenting, and moving fast. You need to make some changes to avoid major distress and emotional duress. Take a bit of time to see how you can make some serious changes to your self-care regimen. You are about to hit the wall. Don't wait any longer to get what you need, which is more--more self-care, more wellness, more childcare, more help. Get more support to therapeutically parent before the complex trauma of your children swallows you whole. You deserve more than this for how hard you have worked to keep everything afloat.
4.
In the Blocked Parenting Zone
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Uh oh, it seems like you are BLOCKED in your parenting. It's a real thing and it isn't your fault. It isn't the fault of your child/ren or partner either. You are probably feeling completely hopeless, exhausted, and want to bury your head in Ben and Jerry's for the next year. Now, I'm going to recommend something DRASTIC - take care of yourself. You may be having some reactivity due to your own past childhood trauma. Easy to say, but it is likely going to require you to GET HELP. Call your friends, family, church pals, connections, childcare workers, and professionals who get complex developmental trauma in children and the impact it has on parents and families. Then, register for a program with a community of people who "get you" and your wild and crazy life; who will not judge you when you share how blocked you are. Take a break from communities or friends and family who don't align with that. I wish I could tell you to just take a day or two away for a rest and you will be good to go, but you really need much more support than that. This is actually quite serious and it won't likely get better on its own. You may be depressed or suffering from post-adoption stress to the point of traumatization and blocked parenting. You may be unable to pull yourself out of this at this point without a true rescue and real therapeutic parenting support. If you get the right kind of support, you can come out of this with a whole new direction in life and a renewed ability to see your sweet child behind all that negative rejection and survival behavior. Don't expect change to happen instantly - this is a long-term recovery process, but it is absolutely worth it and it will save the life of your parent/child relationship(s). You deserve much more than blocked parenting and so does your child. You can transform this nightmare into something way more beautiful. I promise.

Adoptive Parents: Are You Burning-out Or Experiencing Blocked Parenting?

Find out by taking the quiz!

Quiz Questions

Quiz Outcomes