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Your Spouse Is Borderline Midlife Crisis
Borderline? What does that even mean?Your spouse exhibits a few important symptoms of Midlife Crisis, but let's not jump to conclusions, it still could be something else.Maybe all the signs aren’t there yet, but something’s building.Maybe your spouse is feeling depressed or under additional stress--but it's not an MLC sort of depression.Infidelity is common during a Midlife Crisis and though not all affairs are MLC affairs, some behaviors overlap and may appear like MLC.Maybe they’re in their Midlife Transition (MLT), but it’s not really a crisis--even if it seems scary. Midlife Crisis is a Midlife Transition taken to crisis levels—not all MLTs are MLCs, but all MLCs are MLTs—sort of like not all squares are rectangles, but all rectangles are squares.Midlife Crisis is a normal life event—midlife transition—that has escalated to crisis levels of emotional and mental turmoil. Denial and attempts to avoid the transition yield crisis which manifests through avoidance, regression and depression and in the context of a marriage often includes infidelity and separation. MLCers react overtly with outward destruction; whether intentional or not, an MLCer hurts other people in significant ways.What is a Midlife Transition?A Midlife Crisis is a transition that is denied and thus avoided, but what is it that’s being denied and avoided?Transitions are common throughout our lives, repeating approximately ever seven years. But the transition at midlife is often considered to be the most major—having the greatest transformation. Why?This is often a period of great external change.Parents are getting older, perhaps needing more care and eventually dying.Children are also getting older, leaving the home, altering the household structure and dynamics.Hormonal changes such as menopause and andropause yield often significant physical and mental changesPersonal issues avoided during previous transitions have compounded and may try and surfaceThese external changes force internal questioning and change.Self-questioning purpose and rolesRevisiting previous dreamsReduced physical abilities can lead to finding new abilitiesThe difference is that a transition that is not a crisis is embraced—perhaps fearfully, tentatively and with anxiety, but with courage. Where crisis denies, rejects and avoids, healthy transition accepts and takes account, fully focusing on the mirror. Healthy transition embraces the new feelings and emotions welling within, accepting the exploration of Self and the discoveries therein—accepting the challenge to grow and continue becoming even though the outcome may be a mystery.Changes during midlife may be scary, but they don’t have to mean they’re part of a Midlife crisis.Hi, I'm Kenda-RuthIn 2005 my husband went into his Midlife Crisis. He had an affair, wanted a divorce and left. I told him no that’s not how this marriage thing works. I stood for our marriage and we eventually reconciled.A few years later we became parents when we adopted 5 children in 4 years!Our life isn’t some fairy tale bliss with rainbows and unicorns—though my daughters do have several unicorn toys! It’s chaos! It’s real life with 5 children, an energetic golden doodle and husband with an anxiety disorder. We’re not perfect, we’re a real couple with a real family working daily to make a beautiful life.I’ve been researching and writing about Midlife Crisis in marriage since 2005. In 2008 I started The Hero’s Spouse website and have been helping Forward Moving Spouses deal with their MLC spouses since.What Should you Do Now?Learn about Midlife Crisis and what you need to do in what might be your new normal. You are important and your spouse's possible crisis isn't your fault. This is their problem or journey. So, what about your journey? What about you? You're important too.Start by enrolling in my FREE course Understanding Midlife Crisis. This can help you to look deeper to determine if this really is a Midlife Crisis or something else and if it is, you'll gain an understanding of what it really means to be in a Midlife Crisis for both you and your spouse.Then join me! I've got a few communities where you can meet other Forward Moving Spouses who understand what you're going through. Come join us for help, insight, understanding and hugs.The Hero's Spouse Private Facebook CommunityThe Hero's Spouse Community ForumCheck out The Hero's Spouse website for tons of articles to help you in understanding Midlife Crisis....And even more articles at the blog, LoveAnyway.
