How is being a mom without a mom affecting you & your role as mom?

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  Let's first start with - How are you separated from your mom?

  • A.
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    Through Physical Distance
  • B.
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    By Death
  • C.
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    Unhealthy Emotional Relationship or Estrangement
• 2.
  One parenting style isn't better than the next one, but how would you best describe your parenting style?

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  • A.
    Nurturing & Supportive
  • B.
    Caring but strict with firm boundaries
  • C.
    Focusing on kindness, I want my children to think of me as a friend and mom
  • D.
    Other
• 3.
  What would you change about being a mom if you could?

  • A.
    I wish I had more time to focus on myself.
  • B.
    I wish I had more friends and support around me.
  • C.
    I wish I knew if the way I was doing things was 'right'.
  • D.
    I wish it didn't feel so darn hard most days. I love being a mom, but it's hard.
• 4.
  What is your biggest fear as a mom?

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  • A.
    That I'm not doing things or handling things properly when it comes to raising my kid(s).
  • B.
    That something could happen to me, and what would then happen to my kid(s).
  • C.
    That my kid(s) are missing out on something more in life, whether that's because of money, time, or their grandma not being around.
  • D.
    That I'm losing myself as a person by trying to be the best mom possible.
• 5.
  Do you have a good support system around you?

  • A.
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    I have no help or support at all.
  • B.
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    I have 1 or 2 supportive mom friends.
  • C.
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    I feel fully supported by the group of people I know will always have my back.
• 6.
  How do you feel when/if your child asks about your mom?

  • A.
    Angry that they are missing out on a grandmother relationship.
  • B.
    Sad for them and for myself.
  • C.
    A little sad, but I know it's for the best.
  • D.
    I'm not even sure how I feel when they ask about their grandma
  • E.
    They haven't asked yet.
• 7.
  How often do you think about your mom’s absence?

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  • A.
    Pretty much every day.
  • B.
    Frequently.
  • C.
    Only during special occasions or milestones.
  • D.
    I never do anymore.
• 8.
  When you think about your mom’s absence, how do you feel?

  • A.
    I'm just sad for my kid(s) and that they won't have this relationship.
  • B.
    I feel like I'm missing out, and I'm jealous anytime I hear someone else talk about their mom.
  • C.
    I'm generally okay with it, but sometimes it feels like a void is missing from my life.
• 9.
  Thinking about your mom and how you were raised, what do you hope for your kid(s)?

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  • A.
    I want to be a better mom and give my kid(s) everything they need because my mom wasn't the best mom.
  • B.
    I worry that I'll never measure up to how amazing my mom was and how she raised me.
  • C.
    My mom was a good mom, but I have a completely different parenting style and want to have a different type of relationship with my kid(s).

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  You're overcompensating.

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  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best mom you can be, but it shouldn't be at the expense of taking care of yourself.You know your kid(s) are missing out on a relationship with your mother, and you're trying to do everything you can to make up for that missing void they might be filling.Good job, Mama!But here's the thing:Overcompensating can lead to feelings of resentment and losing your own identity - besides the title of mom.If this sounds like you, here are a few things you can do to stop overcompensating and enjoy being a mom even more:1. Acknowledge Your FeelingsNo matter why your mother is not in your life, it's important to acknowledge your feelings about that. Grief is a process - and yes, it is grief, even if you don't have your mom in your life due to death. You need to grieve the loss of that relationship in not only your life but your kid(s) lives as well.You can try journaling, meditation, or finding someone who understands your struggles to talk it out with.You can't work through the feelings that are causing you to overcompensate as a mom without realizing what they are and how they are affecting you.2. Making Time & Space for YourselfYou are more than 'mom', and if you're constantly overcompensating because you feel like your kid(s) are missing out, it's only natural that you'll start to lose yourself as a human.Answer this question: Who am I?Write down everything that comes to mind that isn't related to the amazing journey you're on as a mom. Focus on YOU.You deserve it and need it. Your kid(s) need you to be the best version of yourself, and that means making yourself a priority.3. Focus On the Other Relationships Your Kid(s) Have In Their LifeYour kid(s) are missing a valuable relationship. It's not fair, but neither is trying to fill the void by being everything to them. Spend more time and energy focusing on the other relationships and people that are in your kid(s) lives. This could be fellow mom friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.Focus on building and cultivating those relationships more so that not all of the pressure falls on you as mom.Nice to meet you...I'm MelissaI have been a momless mom for over 12 years and know what it is like to parent without the support and guidance of a loving mom in my day-to-day life.I am a 'mom without a mom' (of two boys), a clinical psychologist, and Mom Coach who is passionate about helping moms separated from their mother -- by physical distance, estrangement, or death -- move from feeling alone and without "mom support", to a place of resilience and self-confidence, even on those days they long for a loving mom right beside them.Through my personal and professional experience, I have come to recognize that moms without a mom experience grief as part of their motherhood experience, even if they don’t realize it. The relationship moms have had (or didn’t have) with their mothers impacts how they see themselves but doesn’t define them. I believe it isn’t knowledge and skills that create resilience, but rather it is born through overcoming hardship, having a community, and living by one’s values.I am honored to walk with new moms as well as moms who have been moms for years on their journey to becoming the mom they always wanted to be.
• 2.
  You're overwhelmed.

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  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best mom you can be, but it shouldn't be at the expense of taking care of yourself.You know your kid(s) are missing out on a relationship with your mother, but you're feeling pretty overwhelmed right now, right?You probably don't like asking anyone for help and are trying to be as strong & independent as possible. That's a good thing, but there comes a point where you need to have a group of supportive people in your life. You don't have to be supermom 24/7.You are an amazing mom!But here's the thing:Being the overwhelmed mom can lead to feelings of resentment, exhaustion, not enjoying the little things, and feeling like time is just passing you by.If this sounds like you, here are a few things you can do to stop feeling overwhelmed and enjoy being a mom even more:1. Find Your Support NetworkAsking for help is hard, but it's even harder if you don't have a solid support network to ask for help. Did you know there are 4 types of mom friends you should have? Read this blog post for more info on that!You are a super mom, but you don't have to go it alone. Not having a mother's presence in your life is a void, but having a network of people you can turn to will help you stop feeling like you have to do everything yourself.2. Ask For HelpOnce you have a group of supportive people in your life, you'll know who to ask for help in certain situations. Knowing who to ask makes actually ASKING a lot easier.It's okay to ask for help.The emotional boost we get from having someone help us goes way beyond completing the original task. If you are a mom without a mom, you carry an additional burden of needing to ask, whereas, for many with mothers, there is an unspoken awareness of one’s need. Over time, this drain impacts us through fatigue, irritability, and withdrawal.Despite what we see in the media and society's expectations, we shouldn't raise our children alone. Both moms and children thrive when moms support moms. Having a solid community of mom friends you can rely on is essential.3. Self-Care & Choosing YOUNow that you have help and a support system, it's time to make yourself a priority again. Your kid(s) need you to show up as the BEST version of yourself, and you can't do that if you're constantly overwhelmed.Then, you can start to enjoy being a mom fully again!Nice to meet you...I'm MelissaI have been a momless mom for over 12 years and know what it is like to parent without the support and guidance of a loving mom in my day-to-day life.I am a 'mom without a mom' (of two boys), a clinical psychologist, and Mom Coach who is passionate about helping moms separated from their mother -- by physical distance, estrangement, or death -- move from feeling alone and without "mom support", to a place of resilience and self-confidence, even on those days they long for a loving mom right beside them.Through my personal and professional experience, I have come to recognize that moms without a mom experience grief as part of their motherhood experience, even if they don’t realize it. The relationship moms have had (or didn’t have) with their mothers impacts how they see themselves but doesn’t define them. I believe it isn’t knowledge and skills that create resilience, but rather it is born through overcoming hardship, having a community, and living by one’s values.I am honored to walk with new moms as well as moms who have been moms for years on their journey to becoming the mom they always wanted to be.
• 3.
  You're grieving.

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  There is nothing wrong with wanting to be the best mom you can be, but if you're still grieving the loss of a mother relationship, it can be hard to overcome those feelings.It doesn't matter if you lost your mother because of death, or because of distance, or estrangement... all of those situations still result in a grieving process. You are grieving the loss of that relationship.And not only for yourself, but your grieving the missing grandmother relationship that your kid(s) will be missing out on, too.It's hard, but the grieving process is ongoing!But here's the thing:You might not have even realized that you're still going through the grieving process or how it's affecting your mom hat.If this sounds like you, here are a few things you can do to deal with the void and grief of losing that mother relationship and enjoy being a mom even more:1. Acknowledge Your FeelingsNo matter why your mother is not in your life, it's important to acknowledge your feelings about that. Grief is a process - and yes, it is grief, even if you don't have your mom in your life due to death. You need to grieve the loss of that relationship in not only your life but your kid(s) lives as well.You can try journaling, meditation, or finding someone who understands your struggles to talk it out with.You can't work through the feelings that are causing you to overcompensate as a mom without realizing what they are and how they are affecting you.2. Don't Avoid the Grieving ProcessOne of the biggest pieces for a mom without a mom is to stop avoiding the grieving process. If you're just now realizing that grief is still something you're dealing with, it's time to let it in. Feel those feelings, mama!Think about the relationship you had with your mom - whether good or bad and really dig into how it's shaped you into the mom you are.3. Focus On the Other Relationships Your Kid(s) Have In Their LifeYour kid(s) are missing a valuable relationship. It's not fair, but neither is trying to fill the void by being everything to them yourself. Spend more time and energy focusing on the other relationships and people that are in your kid(s) lives. This could be fellow mom friends, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.Focus on building and cultivating those relationships more so that not all of the pressure falls on you as a mom.Nice to meet you...I'm MelissaI have been a momless mom for over 12 years and know what it is like to parent without the support and guidance of a loving mom in my day-to-day life.I am a 'mom without a mom' (of two boys), a clinical psychologist, and Mom Coach who is passionate about helping moms separated from their mother -- by physical distance, estrangement, or death -- move from feeling alone and without "mom support", to a place of resilience and self-confidence, even on those days they long for a loving mom right beside them.Through my personal and professional experience, I have come to recognize that moms without a mom experience grief as part of their motherhood experience, even if they don’t realize it. The relationship moms have had (or didn’t have) with their mothers impacts how they see themselves but doesn’t define them. I believe it isn’t knowledge and skills that create resilience, but rather it is born through overcoming hardship, having a community, and living by one’s values.I am honored to walk with new moms as well as moms who have been moms for years on their journey to becoming the mom they always wanted to be.