Learn the 3 simple shifts you can make to get more teamwork at home

Quiz Questions

• 1.
  When do you feel like the household is "running smoothly"?

  • A.
    When the to do list is all checked.
  • B.
    When you are talking with your partner regularly.
  • C.
    When chores are done, and done well.
  • D.
    When you know what needs to be done and who's doing it.
  • E.
    When everyone is happy.
• 2.
  Your approach to household chores is:

  • A.
    Fast is better than perfect.
  • B.
    Do it well or it's not worth doing.
  • C.
    You organize and track what needs to happen, and then trust others to do it.
  • D.
    Talk about it with your partner and agree who is doing what.
  • E.
    It isn't worth fighting over.
• 3.
  Your partner is in the kitchen, grumpy, and doing the dishes, and you have a few minutes of free time.  You:

  • A.
    Clean up the living room.
  • B.
    Rest and read a book.
  • C.
    Notice your partner loading the dishwasher wrong, which is always irritating, so jump in to do it.
  • D.
    Check things off your to do list, and remind your partner about what's coming up tomorrow that needs to get done.
  • E.
    Do the dishes for your partner so they will be less grumpy.
• 4.
  When you fight with your partner about chores it's usually because

  • A.
    They haven't done what you've asked.
  • B.
    They aren't doing the chores well.
  • C.
    They wait too long to get the chores done.
  • D.
    You don't like to fight, so avoid it whenever possible.
  • E.
    You guys haven't been talking regularly about it like you usually do
• 5.
  The sink is full of dishes and your partner said they’ll do them later tonight. You:

  • A.
    Wait to see if they actually do them. You're sure they won't.
  • B.
    Feel irritated they haven't been done yet, and go tell them they need to do them now.
  • C.
    Do them and don’t mention it to your partner. It's not worth the fight. It's easier to just do it yourself.
  • D.
    Remind them a couple more times over the next 24 hrs to try to ensure they get done.
  • E.
    Go grab a book to read. You guys have agreed the dishes won't sit overnight.

Quiz Outcomes

• 1.
  You are a Chore Visionary

  Your strength is your vision. You can see the possibilities, and you know what you want. You have a strong attention to detail, and know how to organize and plan. You have a strong desire for order, and may be more sensitive than most to chaos. When chores are done in your house, you want them done “right” and nothing less!Sometimes your high standards lead you to feel disappointed by others. You might assume that others can achieve the results you do without realizing this is a super skill of yours. As a result, you end up in fights with your partner over the “right” way to do the chores. Sometimes this leads you to doing it yourself because it’s so uncomfortable for it to be done “wrong.”There is one step you can take right now to bring more harmony to your partnership! We’ve been taught over and over that “practice makes perfect” with the idea that we should be perfect. Folks, this is a bucket of bullyouknowwhat. No one is perfect. Trying to have a perfect household will lead you to be resentful towards your partner who doesn't have your skills. When we tell our partner that they are doing it wrong, we’re really trying to say, “This makes me anxious” or “I want it done a different way.” For better or worse, there is almost never a “right” or “wrong” way to do things, and labelling what your partner does as “wrong” creates division, judgement and shame in the relationship. Whenever you’re tempted to say or think, “You’re doing it wrong,” practice changing your script to “That’s not how I prefer it.”Trust me, this will be a big change that will help you to work more as a team, and feel less like adversaries.
• 2.
  You are a Do-er when it comes to chores

  You have an amazing ability to push through and get things done. When others might give up or run out of steam, you are knocking things off your to-do list. You have a strong work ethic, and are motivated to leave the world in a better place than you found it. Sometimes this super skill means it's hard to rest. You might have difficulty setting aside chores to take a break and tend to want to do all the work first before rest. You also might not realize that this IS a super skill of yours and one that others don't have. As a result, you might find yourself expecting the same amount of work from others and getting disappointed.There is one step right now that you can take to bring more balance to your partnership. Practice resting even when the chores aren't finished, and even if your partner is currently doing the chores. That's right! You can lay on the couch and scroll Instagram even if they are doing the dishes! It doesn't make you lazy, or worth any less. It just means you've done your work and now you get the reward. This one change will do wonders to balancing out the effort in the household and leading you to feel less resentful.
• 3.
  You are a Peacekeeper when it comes to chores

  You are skilled at diffusing conflict and manging personalities. You are able to create calm even when it looks like things are about to get heated. One of your super skills is how attuned you are to other people's feelings. In fact, sometimes you feel them inside your own body as though they are your own.This ability to feel other people's feelings can sometimes come at a cost. You might be inclined to let go of your own needs in order to calm other people down so that your own body feels better. You might find that you put your needs second to keeping calm in the household. This could lead you to feel resentful, frustrated and undervalued.One change you can make right now to feel better in your relationship is to practice letting adults manage their own feelings. You might have grown up in a family where feelings were scary, and respond out of habit now. Unfortunately, when you manage your partner's feelings you are responding in a style more like a parent and less like a partner. This might lead you to feel like your partner is childlike, undependable, and that you have to "do it all." The next time you feel your partner's emotions in your body, remind yourself, "They are a grown up and it's their job to manage their feelings. Not mine." This mantra will help you to shift the dynamic from managing your partner's feelings, to being in a equal relationship with them.
• 4.
  You are a Delegator when it comes to chores

  Are a whiz at managing lists, tasks, and plans. You know what birthdays are coming up, and what that person would want as a present. You like knowing what's happening and feeling in control of your environment. You're efficient and skilled at planning for events unforeseen that others might not plan for.The downside is that you might tend to take on all of the household organization because you feel scared when balls are dropped, people are disappointed, or things don't go as planned. As a result, you've found yourself in the role of CEO of the house, with your partner as an employee that you delegate to. Over time, you've grown resentful that you have to keep track of all the mental load and your partner just has to do what you tell them to do.One powerful step that you can take now to feel less resentful in your partnership is to "assign" an entire category to your partner, from planning to completion. For example, if you have kids, your partner could be in charge of doctor's visits. They are in charge of keeping track of the well visits, scheduling them, taking the kids (or asking for help getting them there), and scheduling sick visits and taking them (or asking for help). If you don't have kids, your partner might be in charge of laundry, which means noticing when it needs to be washed, washing and drying it (and ironing it, depending on your agreement), and putting it away. Your del
• 5.
  You are a Trusting Partner when it comes to chores

  You've figured out how to trust your partner. Even though it means they might not do it they way you do, and might not do it at all sometimes, you treat them as an equal partner capable of figuring it out. You have also learned to advocate for yourself and your own needs, making sure that you don't keep quiet to keep the peace.You might not have it all figured out all the time, but most of the time it feels like you've found a good balance.