Are you an internalizer or externalizer?

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Quiz Questions

1.
You understand that this quiz is not a diagnostic tool and does not provide medical advice nor diagnoses. This quiz is merely for educational purposes only.
- A.
  I understand and want to continue
- B.
  No - I will exit this quiz instead
2.
When faced with a conflict or emotional distress, I am more likely to:
- A.
  Try to figure out the reasoning behind it and work through it by myself.
- B.
  React to the situation more emotionally, at least at first.
3.
If I make a mistake or face a setback, I tend to:
- A.
  Feel guilty that I made a mistake but then consider changing something I did to make things better.
- B.
  Feel upset easily and try to show others where they could have helped out more or set things up better.
4.
In my relationships, I often:
- A.
  Put the other person first - I like caretaking.
- B.
  Look to my partner to help me - that's what relationships are for.
5.
I feel that my emotional well-being is primarily influenced by:
- A.
  Self-reflecting before reacting.
- B.
  Being reactive and going based off emotion.
6.
When I'm feeling stressed or overwhelmed by someone, my typical response is to:
- A.
  Try to constructively talk about things with them.
- B.
  Tell them to stop bothering me so they just get the message.
7.
I am more likely to feel guilty for:
- A.
  Feeling that I failed in my relationships, even if I didn't cause the rupture.
- B.
  The way I confronted somebody, perhaps sometimes to harshly.
8.
In arguments or disagreements, I am more likely to:
- A.
  Want the other person to gain perspective on what the problem is in the first place.
- B.
  Look at the problem as someone else's fault and blame the external circumstances that caused it.
9.
When it comes to seeking help or support for my emotional issues, I:
- A.
  Am more reluctant.
- B.
  Am willing to get others involved to help with my pain.
10.
When I reflect on life, I often think about:
- A.
  The future (and I worry about it).
- B.
  Living in the moment - life's too short!
11.
In group settings or social gatherings, I tend to:
- A.
  Question the things I say afterwards and wonder if I upset anyone.
- B.
  Assume others are going to listen and share about myself freely.
12.
At work, I tend to:
- A.
  Overestimate the challenges of a project.
- B.
  Underestimate the challenges of a project.
13.
When making important decisions, I rely more on:
- A.
  My internal thoughts, feelings, and intuition.
- B.
  Input and opinions from others, seeking external validation.
14.
I view reality:
- A.
  As it is, and I'm willing to make changes in my life.
- B.
  As something to minimize - I try to not take things too seriously.
15.
When I think about the world's problems I think:
- A.
  How should I do my part to make things better?
- B.
  How could those around me make things better, especially if they hurt me?
16.
I believe that my happiness is most influenced by:
- A.
  My own attitude and how I choose to perceive life events.
- B.
  Bigger factors such as relationships, job, or financial stability.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
You Are An Internalizer
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Self Perception:You likely internalized your parents' criticisms and judgments as personal failures, believing that if you could just do better, be better, then you'd earn the love and validation you craved. You often hold onto your feelings privately, having learned that it's safer to rely on yourself for emotional needs due to your parents' emotional outbursts. However, keeping these feelings within you may also lead to deep resentment and anxiety.Relationships:When challenges arise, your instinct might be to turn inwards, analyzing your role and responsibility in the situation. This introspective nature can sometimes lead you to suppress emotions, prioritizing others' feelings over your own. In your relationships, you might often put others first, sometimes at the cost of your own needs. This pattern can make you vulnerable to being taken advantage of or misunderstood, as you might not always express your needs explicitly. Personal Strengths:Your introspective nature gives you a keen sense of self-awareness, allowing you to deeply understand and process emotions. This makes you highly empathetic, perceptive, and capable of forming profound emotional connections. Your ability to reflect and learn from experiences can be advantageous, enabling growth and self-improvement. You're also often seen as a reliable and trustworthy confidant due to your thoughtful nature.Common Challenges:You likely find yourself continually hoping to mend your relationship with your parents, clinging to the belief that they will change. However, because emotionally immature parents often struggle with rigidity and inflexibility, this hope is likely keeping you stuck. Holding onto this expectation not only drains your emotional energy but also hampers your ability to let go of their judgments and criticisms. This cycle perpetuates self-doubt and undermines your sense of worth, making it difficult for you to set boundaries and prioritize your own needs. Trapped in this mindset, you continue to blame yourself, not realizing that the root of the issue lies in your parents' emotional immaturity.
2.
You Are An Externalizer
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Self Perception:You tend to act before thinking things through, often hoping others will take charge for you. This quick way of handling things is not about being selfish; it's more about getting rid of stress or worries fast. Your core worldview might be that life is an unpredictable series of events that need to be tackled head-on. Though subconscious, this belief may be due to feeling a lack of control in childhood. Since you have a habit of discounting your own capacity and responsibility, you often seek external solutions to internal challenges.Relationships:When you feel stressed, your first reaction may be to wish someone else would fix the problem for you. You may also be drawn to people with a similar impulsive nature, which can sometimes intensify your relationship dynamics. In your romantic relationships or close friendships, you might lean heavily on others, expecting them to provide stability and solutions into problems that you think you can't or shouldn't have to solve. Personal Strengths:You possess a proactive nature, taking swift action in the face of adversity. Your belief in life as a process of trial and error can make you adaptable. The inclination to expel stress quickly can be seen as resilience. Your candidness and directness can be beneficial in many situations, especially in the workplace or when needing to have a tough conversations with loved ones.Common Challenges:You likely struggle with managing your anger, particularly when it comes to your relationship with your parents. This intense emotion often stems from years of resentment and unmet emotional needs. You might also hope that your demonstration of anger and pain will somehow show your parents how much they have hurt you. However, since emotionally immature parents rarely change, this expectation can keep you stuck in a cycle of conflict. You might not be aware that there are more constructive ways to keep yourself safe and move past the pain your parents have caused you—ways that lead to a better understanding of yourself and even healing.