What's YOUR parenting identity?

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Quiz Questions

1.
How old is your child? (Select ALL ranges that apply)
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- A.
  <5
- B.
  6-11
- C.
  11-15
- D.
  16+
2.
When you feel angry, what do you do?
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- A.
  A. Anger?! Me?! I seem to just get sad
- B.
  B. Snap in the moment and wish I didn't later
- C.
  C. I'll take a split of A) and B) please
- D.
  D. Most of the time, I'm ok with my anger. I usually use it as a cue to discover my underlying needs and take action to get them met
3.
When your child has a meltdown in the morning before school, you end up:
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- A.
  A) Late for school
- B.
  B) On time for school, but everyone is upset
- C.
  C) Late for school and everyone is upset
- D.
  D) Maybe late, maybe on time. Whether your family is late or on time to school, what you know is that you did your best to remain connected.
4.
3. When you hear the word “boundary” what do you think of?
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- A.
  A) Boundaries help my child learn not to do certain things
- B.
  B) Disconnection and distance - they are hard for me to set because they create distance between me and my child and I feel like it’s telling my child they are wrong or bad
- C.
  C) Being restricted, limited, held back
- D.
  D) I actively practice seeing boundaries as invitations for my child and me to build genuine intimacy.
5.
5. When something goes differently than how you wanted with your child, your FIRST, UNFILTERED thought is:
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- A.
  A) My kid messed that up
- B.
  B) I messed that up
- C.
  C) We all messed that up
- D.
  D) I usually can tell myself "That didn’t go how any of us wanted"
6.
6. When you hear the word “empathy” what does that mean to you?
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- A.
  A) Being permissive and soft
- B.
  B) Understanding my child in a way I wish I had when I was a kid
- C.
  C) Sometimes it’s A and Sometimes it’s B
- D.
  D) I do my best to bring empathy by understanding both my child’s experience and my own at the same time
7.
7. When your child is having that meltdown, we’ll find you:
- A.
  A) Next to your crying/raging child
- B.
  B) In the bathroom hiding during a meltdown or escaping into work
- C.
  C) Wherever you are, you aren't. Hiding in the bathroom - judging yourself for being there. With your child - judging yourself for wanting to get away
- D.
  D) 80% of the time I'm present to what my child needs, I need and our relationship needs in that moment. 20% of the time I am sitting in A) B) or C)
8.
8. What’s your deepest fear as a parent? (If multiple apply, choose the one you relate to the MOST)
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- A.
  A) I will lose freedom and flexibility, and so will my child
- B.
  B) My child won’t be a functional, contributing member of society
- C.
  C) He/she will feel misunderstood, unheard, dismissed
- D.
  D) I have all these fears, and most of the time I notice when they come up. When I get dysregulated, because we all do at times, I feel confident in my ability to get back to regulation.
9.
9. Your daughter's room is a mess! There are a week's worth of clothes on the floor, and... is that a half-eaten piece of pizza? How do you react?
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- A.
  A) I tell her I'll buy her that fancy toy she's been eyeing at the mall if she tidies up... just a bit? (And yet, I don't feel good about doing this)
- B.
  B) No playing, no snacking, no nothing until her space is spick 'n' span. Heck, I might just lock her in there...
- C.
  C) Oh geez... Well, someone's got to clean up, and it's not going to be my daughter, so I better get to work.
- D.
  D) I can be real with her - I get cleanliness is not her "joy", AND I know she cares about her things. She puts together a plan for a cleanER room
10.
10. What do you want most right now?
- A.
  A) Information and strategies
- B.
  B) Get together with other parents like me who “get it”
- C.
  C) A plan for what to do next
- D.
  D) I want someone to hold my hand and guide me
11.
11. What have you already tried to parent your complex child?
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- A.
  A) I read blogs, listen to podcasts and attend online summits. There is part of me that hopes there is something that will just click that I hear and I'll know what I need to do.
- B.
  B) I've tried chore charts, praise, checklists, keeping it simple...it's not working. What's the deal?
- C.
  C) I've tried it ALL - read EVERY book - my friends tell me I could teach the parenting courses. But, we still haven't found our way. I'll do whatever it takes IF I believe it'll actually help.
- D.
  D) We've found our flow...AND...there are some places where I want it to be smoother.

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Whoop de whoop! Your parenting identity is... The Nurturer
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Yes mama, you feel most comfortable when you can lean into your child’s wants and needs. You try your best to listen at all times, you are kind, empathetic and understanding. When your child was an infant, you probably wrapped them close to your body, were hip to attachment parenting, and gave baby-led weaning a try (even if it meant picking up 300 pieces of watermelon off the floor and holding your breath every time your child gulped over that piece of farm-raised chicken.) Now, you spend a lot of time listening to their concerns and responding as empathetic as you can. You know that beneath their behavior is a deep need, and you really try to tune in and meet that need so that they feel supported. We see you. (Giving you so many virtual hugs right now!)Where Nurturers shine: You are your child’s biggest champion. If they need an extra hug, and another hug, and another hug before bed, you are there for it. If they have to wail and cry and express just how much they HATE broccoli before they’ll nibble a piece, you take a deep breath and do your very best to hold that space. Deep down your child knows that you are there for them always (even if they don’t always show it). Where Nurturers struggle:You are not your own biggest champion! You tell yourself that you should always be able to give more, without taking any credit for all the wonderful things you are doing already. This can lead to you feeling exhausted and burned out, and hey, if you really tune into your heart, sometimes a little resentful too. What drains the Nurturer?You’ll be surprised. It’s giving too much. If your child wants another cookie, you can find it really hard to say no because hey, maybe they just need a little treat to feel good and you can empathize with that, or because that snack-time moment you just shared felt so good, who wants it to end?This parenting identity can easily give more than they have. They will let a child sleep with them, even if it means they get no rest at all, or they will sign them up for soccer, even though it’s a monstrous journey getting there, and they can’t think of a less exciting sport to cheer, because they want their kids to feel loved, supported and to have good opportunities. It’s easy for Nurturers to lose sense of their boundaries for space and time, because they prioritize everyone else’s needs first. But to feel energized they should feel free to say no sometimes, and to do less without feeling guilty. (We know! That’s so hard…) What Nurturers fear: You give yourself sleepless nights worrying that you misunderstood your child, or you weren’t fair to them. In fact, you worry all the time about them feeling unseen or dismissed. Could it be that you have felt this too? That could be worth exploring. What the Nurturer wishes for: Kind, empathetic kids who feel seen and heard. What the Nurturer secretly wishes for (you may not even have registered this): That your child didn’t need quite so much from you. When things go wrong you…Blame yourself. You think, “I messed that up,” and “If I'd only listened more, or read the situation better. (Even though you gave just about everything you had at that moment). One tip for the Nurturer to feel more engaged and energized: You’ll feel energized when you can meet your child’s need for compassion and yours too! You deserve to show yourself compassion as well. Try this: [ADD TIP HERE}Hey Nurturer, do you ever struggle with the morning routine? Many Nurturers find that their kids have a lot of wants and needs in the mornings. Trying to respond to each and every one often means you end up running out of the door late. How would you like for mornings to run smoothly, keep connected with your child and make it out of the house on time?Join me for Relaxed Routines CTAYou’ll learn the ways that Nurturers like you can ensure you all feel heard and understood without wrecking your morning schedule. Sound good? Sign up here to save your spot. Hold up — let me introduce myself!Hey there, I’m Sonali 👋 A deeply feeling, compassionate, parent coach and cheerleader, founder of the Raising Your Strong-willed Child Summit, speaker and educator, disability advocate and single mom of 3 wonderful complex kids.A LITTLE BACKGROUND... I didn't want to be the only one in my family with pink skin and white hair (my family is Indian in origin, and I look nothing like them. People, like me, with albinism, have bodies that make little, or no melanin, which determines hair, eye and skin color, among other things).The short of it is, I felt like I stood out for all the wrong reasons, so…I tried to fit in.Later, I learned I was visually impaired and really didn't see things the same as everyone else.I didn't like how folks made fun of my sight disability, but I didn't want their pity either.So rather than raise my hand and voice my needs?I tried to fit in.And then when I had kids? What worked like magic for other parents ended for us in mega meltdowns.But even then I kept doing what the experts told me would work.A.K.A - I tried to fit in. (It didn’t work because doing the things that don’t work over and over again only bring the same frustrating results!)Where was Sonali in all this?Standing over there in the corner, head in my hands, catastrophizing, that’s where!But really, what “fitting in” really meant was denying myself and my life. Wishing away my body, my personality - and my kids' personalities in the name of appearing normal.But what's normal anyway?No wonder I felt miserable!You see, in denying myself for so long, it got hard knowing what I really needed, and what my kids needed too.Which resulted in a lot of stuck feelings. A lot of frustration. A lot of fighting. And waterfalls of tears.Boundaries became my touchstone, helping me: Stop enforcing rules I didn’t believe in just because everyone else had those rules. Fostering connection to blossom naturally - rather than forcing it.Recognize when a tool like Special Time would be useful - but also recognize if I could give it the full heart it deserved. Understand where my kids misunderstood my meaning, and where I misunderstood theirs. So that I could finally embrace who I was and who we are as a family - with all our little weirdnesses and unpredictable reactions. When trying to fit in didn't work in my life and in my parenting I started doing it differently and guess what... today I can say firmly that I love who I am, the life I lead, and my relationship with my children even though it has been a long and - not gonna lie - messy road getting here.Now I support others, whether it’s sibling conflict or school troubles, I give parents the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy and connected families. Looking for a few more resources? Fill up on these...Follow me on Instagram @raisingyourstrongwilledchild and join my Facebook Group "Raising Your Strong Willed Child" to stay in the loop and find more support there. Plus you’ll find a backlog of need-to-know parenting tips!Think you could use a little extra support? Check out my offering on the Forward Together Parenting website and book a free consultation with me today! Together, we’ve got this 🙌P.S Expect to see me in your inbox soon with more parenting type tips
2.
Woo-hoo! Your parenting identity is... The Provider
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Wow! Do you get a lot done with your kids and your days? You find things go much easier when you are all on the same track, when you are providing well for your kids, balancing your time with them as well as work, household and community tasks. When you say you are going to do something, everyone can count on you to get it done. When your kids were little, you valued a good sleep, eat, play schedule, and you looked to resources like 1-2-3 Magic for guidance on discipline. Now you work really hard to breathe and take a moment if your child doesn’t respond to requests as quickly as you’d like. We applaud you mama - even with so much going on you and your kids achieve so much. Where Providers shine: You are hugely giving, dependable, and a rock your kids can rely on. If your kids are signed up for arts camp, you have their uniforms ready, lunches made, bags packed and route mapped. (And if you haven’t, you sure will next time). If you make a commitment to Special Time, you are there for Special Time. You know that if you can get through the day and check off all the things, then everything feels better.Where Providers struggle:Moods and emotions means that not everyone is always ready to skip to your beat. It can be hard for you to stop and divert from the plan. You value boundaries, and veering off-track can feel kind of scary.What drains the Provider?When things don’t go to plan. You’d rather show up to school on time, upset yourself and with upset kids, rather than be late but arrive calm and connected. This often happens with the Manager identity because a child’s needs and behaviors have thrown the schedule off so much in the past. Hitting the bases feels like it equals less disruption but can actually lead to bigger meltdowns for Managers to manage. Trying to hold all of this together is quite a feat that can leave you feeling defeated and depleted.Don’t worry - we have your back. Keep reading to find out what you can do to manage emotions and schedules!What Providers fear: You’d love a mirror into the future that would show you your kids are going to grow up ok. It’s important to you that they’ll be able to function well in society as adults, and you are doing all you can to ensure they have the boundaries and skills they need. What the Provider wishes for: That their kids have good boundaries and are aware and empathetic to others needs. What the Nurturer secretly wishes for (you may not even have registered this): That your child didn’t need such a close eye to keep moving and on track. When things go wrong you…“If only my child would…get up on time / stop procrastinating / put the phone away when I ask…”One tip for the Manager to feel more engaged and energized: Giving yourself permission to cut loose for even a minute or two will bring huge relief and even greater connection with your child. Try this: [ADD TIP HERE}Hey Provider, do you ever struggle with the morning routine? Do your kids stop and stall from the minute they get up? No wonder your nerves are jangled and you sometimes lose it…Join me for Relaxed Routines CTADiscover how to make the most of your Manager identity in the mornings so that your kids keep on schedule with a smile. Sound good? Sign up here to save your spot. Hold up — let me introduce myself!Hey there, I’m Sonali 👋 A deeply feeling, compassionate, parent coach and cheerleader, founder of the Raising Your Strong-willed Child Summit, speaker and educator, disability advocate and single mom of 3 wonderful complex kids.A LITTLE BACKGROUND...I didn't want to be the only one in my family with pink skin and white hair (my family is Indian in origin, and I look nothing like them. People, like me, with albinism, have bodies that make little, or no melanin, which determines hair, eye and skin color, among other things).The short of it is, I felt like I stood out for all the wrong reasons, so…I tried to fit in.Later, I learned I was visually impaired and really didn't see things the same as everyone else.I didn't like how folks made fun of my sight disability, but I didn't want their pity either.So rather than raise my hand and voice my needs?I tried to fit in.And then when I had kids? What worked like magic for other parents ended for us in mega meltdowns.But even then I kept doing what the experts told me would work.A.K.A - I tried to fit in. (It didn’t work because doing the things that don’t work over and over again only bring the same frustrating results!)Where was Sonali in all this?Standing over there in the corner, head in my hands, catastrophizing, that’s where!But really, what “fitting in” really meant was denying myself and my life. Wishing away my body, my personality - and my kids' personalities in the name of appearing normal.But what's normal anyway?No wonder I felt miserable!You see, in denying myself for so long, it got hard knowing what I really needed, and what my kids needed too.Which resulted in a lot of stuck feelings. A lot of frustration. A lot of fighting. And waterfalls of tears.Boundaries became my touchstone, helping me: Stop enforcing rules I didn’t believe in just because everyone else had those rules. Fostering connection to blossom naturally - rather than forcing it.Recognize when a tool like Special Time would be useful - but also recognize if I could give it the full heart it deserved. Understand where my kids misunderstood my meaning, and where I misunderstood theirs. So that I could finally embrace who I was and who we are as a family - with all our little weirdnesses and unpredictable reactions. When trying to fit in didn't work in my life and in my parenting I started doing it differently and guess what... today I can say firmly that I love who I am, the life I lead, and my relationship with my children even though it has been a long and - not gonna lie - messy road getting here.Now I support others, whether it’s sibling conflict or school troubles, I give parents the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy and connected families. Looking for a few more resources? Fill up on these...Follow me on Instagram @raisingyourstrongwilledchild and join my Facebook Group "Raising Your Strong Willed Child" to stay in the loop and find more support there. Plus you’ll find a backlog of need-to-know parenting tips!Think you could use a little extra support? Check out my offering on the Forward Together Parenting website and book a free consultation with me today! Together, we’ve got this 🙌 P.S Expect to see me in your inbox soon with more parenting type tips
3.
Hot diggity dog. Your parenting identity is... The Freedom Fighter
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Hey look at you over there, rolling with the tides, embracing change and getting present. You have an easy-going nature that’s impossible not to adore. You love getting snuggly, fun and free with your kids. But don’t take this to mean you aren’t informed about what your complex kids need. You have read all the books. You are a rolodex of information on science, emotions, behaviors and strategies, so you have a great understanding of how to read a situation too. If someone brakes down, you usually have a good idea why. Can we come hang out with you too?Where Freedom Fighter shine: Your kids love to have you as a playmate. You are up for (almost) anything they want to do. Piggyback rides? Hose sprays? Painting pictures (and tables and the floor) sure! And it’s not just play… Only mashed potatoes for dinner? Hey, that’s a vibe (you’ll include some healthy fruit on the side). You value freedom, expression, positivity and showing up true. You know you’ll be there for your kids no matter what happens. Where Freedom Fighters struggle:Freedom gets you so far, and then conformity kicks in. Nights where you all stay up splashing bath bubbles and racing through the house playing chase feel great until you suddenly realize the time, put on your serious face, and march everyone to bed. Not to mention the nightmare mornings waking everyone up before they are ready because school stops for no-one. Freelancers tend to flip-flop between their desire for freedom and their concern for fitting back into the box society seems to demand, which means they can feel - and act - inconsistently, which leads to overwhelm (and confused kids). Keep reading to hear how you can balance things out. What drains the Freedom Fighter ?Realization. Although they can be prone to wearing themselves out in the name of keeping flexible, the Freelancers biggest drain is the realization that life is marching ahead and they may have to jump on the train. What Freedom Fighters fear: Grade cards are out? Practice is when? Sasha’s doing what?!! Freelancers fear that keeping up with modern life may pin the whole family down. They ping-pong between accepting the norm and rebelling against it. What the Freelancer wishes for: They want kids to have boundaries, but not at the expense of their personal freedoms. What the Nurturer secretly wishes for (you may not even have registered this): That life - and parenting - wasn’t so demanding. When things go wrong you…Roll your eyes, hold up your hands, and think, “Well that didn’t go to plan.”One tip for the Manager to feel more engaged and energized: Try factoring in how much free time feels good for your family, and when you want to stick to the plan.Try this: [ADD TIP HERE}Hey Freelancer, do you ever struggle with the morning routine? Whether your kids complain about school so you try and keep morning light and carefree, or you are all just having too much fun to notice the clock, no-one loves realizing you gotta grab things and run if you are going to get out on time. Imagine how good it would feel if you could factor in good fun and getting out on time?Join me for Relaxed Routines CTAThink of this as the Freedom Fighter's guide to carefree mornings, where you check off what needs to get done, without getting all bossy and businesslike. Sound good? Sign up here to save your spot. Hold up — let me introduce myself!Hey there, I’m Sonali 👋 A deeply feeling, compassionate, parent coach and cheerleader, founder of the Raising Your Strong-willed Child Summit, speaker and educator, disability advocate and single mom of 3 wonderful complex kids.A LITTLE BACKGROUND...I didn't want to be the only one in my family with pink skin and white hair (my family is Indian in origin, and I look nothing like them. People, like me, with albinism, have bodies that make little, or no melanin, which determines hair, eye and skin color, among other things).The short of it is, I felt like I stood out for all the wrong reasons, so…I tried to fit in.Later, I learned I was visually impaired and really didn't see things the same as everyone else.I didn't like how folks made fun of my sight disability, but I didn't want their pity either.So rather than raise my hand and voice my needs?I tried to fit in.And then when I had kids? What worked like magic for other parents ended for us in mega meltdowns.But even then I kept doing what the experts told me would work.A.K.A - I tried to fit in. (It didn’t work because doing the things that don’t work over and over again only bring the same frustrating results!)Where was Sonali in all this?Standing over there in the corner, head in my hands, catastrophizing, that’s where!But really, what “fitting in” really meant was denying myself and my life. Wishing away my body, my personality - and my kids' personalities in the name of appearing normal.But what's normal anyway?No wonder I felt miserable!You see, in denying myself for so long, it got hard knowing what I really needed, and what my kids needed too.Which resulted in a lot of stuck feelings. A lot of frustration. A lot of fighting. And waterfalls of tears.Boundaries became my touchstone, helping me: Stop enforcing rules I didn’t believe in just because everyone else had those rules. Fostering connection to blossom naturally - rather than forcing it.Recognize when a tool like Special Time would be useful - but also recognize if I could give it the full heart it deserved. Understand where my kids misunderstood my meaning, and where I misunderstood theirs. So that I could finally embrace who I was and who we are as a family - with all our little weirdnesses and unpredictable reactions. When trying to fit in didn't work in my life and in my parenting I started doing it differently and guess what... today I can say firmly that I love who I am, the life I lead, and my relationship with my children even though it has been a long and - not gonna lie - messy road getting here.Now I support others, whether it’s sibling conflict or school troubles, I give parents the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy and connected families. Looking for a few more resources? Fill up on these...Follow me on Instagram @raisingyourstrongwilledchild and join my Facebook Group "Raising Your Strong Willed Child" to stay in the loop and find more support there. Plus you’ll find a backlog of need-to-know parenting tips!Think you could use a little extra support? Check out my offering on the Forward Together Parenting website and book a free consultation with me today! Together, we’ve got this 🙌 P.S Expect to see me in your inbox soon with more parenting type tips
4.
Your parenting identity is... The Activated Parent
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When it comes to your children, it’s your way or the highway... You push them to perform bigger and brighter than their peers. You want the best, and anything less is unacceptable.While your high behavioral expectations come from a place of genuine love and concern — after all, you only want your children to achieve their full potential — sometimes they might come off a bit strong.You lay down your household laws with an iron fist — ifs, ands, and buts are banned. On top of that, whether through time-outs or revoking their privileges, you aren’t afraid to punish your kids.Communication tends to be a bit one-sided. It’s mostly you, as the parent, talking to your children. You might feel it isn't necessary to explain certain rules to them or ask their perspectives on family matters.Here’s the thing though, children raised by overly authoritarian parents often end up with low self-esteem and high rates of anxiety, so consider softening your approach for long term success!"Your kids require you most of all to love them for who they are, not to spend your whole time trying to correct them." — Bill AyersHow to make the most of your time as a strict parent...1. Teach your children tasksAt first, teaching your children how to complete household chores, might seem like a lot of work, but it’ll save you hours in the long run. On top of that, it’ll help build up their confidence and self-reliance. Sounds like a sweet deal, right?Start with small, easy to do tasks like getting dressed for school or making a tasty sandwich!2. Schedule in Self-CareOne of the kindest things you can do for your kids is regularly scheduling in self-care. Whether it’s a relaxing lavender-scented bath or a half an hour journaling, by giving yourself space to process and reflect, you’ll be able to show up 100%. If you don’t already, I’d recommend keeping track of your time with a planner, so you know just how much you have to spare for some much needed TLC!3. Set RoutinesMaking simple morning and evening routines for your children is another great time-saving hack. By teaching them what to do as soon as they roll out of bed, you spare yourself the trouble of getting them dressed, brushing their teeth, and packing their lunch for school.Try putting together a poster with their morning and evening routines spelled out step-by-step. Add a couple fun pictures for a bit of wow factor and hang it up in their rooms!Hold up — let me introduce myself!Hey there, I’m Sonali 👋 A deeply feeling, compassionate, parent coach and cheerleader, founder of the Raising Your Strong-willed Child Summit, speaker and educator, disability advocate and single mom of 3 wonderful complex kids.A LITTLE BACKGROUND...I didn't want to be the only one in my family with pink skin and white hair (my family is Indian in origin, and I look nothing like them. People, like me, with albinism, have bodies that make little, or no melanin, which determines hair, eye and skin color, among other things).The short of it is, I felt like I stood out for all the wrong reasons, so…I tried to fit in.Later, I learned I was visually impaired and really didn't see things the same as everyone else.I didn't like how folks made fun of my sight disability, but I didn't want their pity either.So rather than raise my hand and voice my needs?I tried to fit in.And then when I had kids? What worked like magic for other parents ended for us in mega meltdowns.But even then I kept doing what the experts told me would work.A.K.A - I tried to fit in. (It didn’t work because doing the things that don’t work over and over again only bring the same frustrating results!)Where was Sonali in all this?Standing over there in the corner, head in my hands, catastrophizing, that’s where!But really, what “fitting in” really meant was denying myself and my life. Wishing away my body, my personality - and my kids' personalities in the name of appearing normal.But what's normal anyway?No wonder I felt miserable!You see, in denying myself for so long, it got hard knowing what I really needed, and what my kids needed too.Which resulted in a lot of stuck feelings. A lot of frustration. A lot of fighting. And waterfalls of tears.Boundaries became my touchstone, helping me: Stop enforcing rules I didn’t believe in just because everyone else had those rules. Fostering connection to blossom naturally - rather than forcing it.Recognize when a tool like Special Time would be useful - but also recognize if I could give it the full heart it deserved. Understand where my kids misunderstood my meaning, and where I misunderstood theirs. So that I could finally embrace who I was and who we are as a family - with all our little weirdnesses and unpredictable reactions. When trying to fit in didn't work in my life and in my parenting I started doing it differently and guess what... today I can say firmly that I love who I am, the life I lead, and my relationship with my children even though it has been a long and - not gonna lie - messy road getting here.Now I support others, whether it’s sibling conflict or school troubles, I give parents the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy and connected families. Looking for a few more resources? Fill up on these...Follow me on Instagram @raisingyourstrongwilledchild and join my Facebook Group "Raising Your Strong Willed Child" to stay in the loop and find more support there. Plus you’ll find a backlog of need-to-know parenting tips!Think you could use a little extra support? Check out my offering on the Forward Together Parenting website and book a free consultation with me today! Together, we’ve got this 🙌 P.S Expect to see me in your inbox soon with more parenting type tips
5.
Result 5