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Whoop de whoop! Your parenting identity is... The Nurturer
Yes mama, you feel most comfortable when you can lean into your child’s wants and needs. You try your best to listen at all times, you are kind, empathetic and understanding. When your child was an infant, you probably wrapped them close to your body, were hip to attachment parenting, and gave baby-led weaning a try (even if it meant picking up 300 pieces of watermelon off the floor and holding your breath every time your child gulped over that piece of farm-raised chicken.) Now, you spend a lot of time listening to their concerns and responding as empathetic as you can. You know that beneath their behavior is a deep need, and you really try to tune in and meet that need so that they feel supported. We see you. (Giving you so many virtual hugs right now!)Where Nurturers shine: You are your child’s biggest champion. If they need an extra hug, and another hug, and another hug before bed, you are there for it. If they have to wail and cry and express just how much they HATE broccoli before they’ll nibble a piece, you take a deep breath and do your very best to hold that space. Deep down your child knows that you are there for them always (even if they don’t always show it). Where Nurturers struggle:You are not your own biggest champion! You tell yourself that you should always be able to give more, without taking any credit for all the wonderful things you are doing already. This can lead to you feeling exhausted and burned out, and hey, if you really tune into your heart, sometimes a little resentful too. What drains the Nurturer?You’ll be surprised. It’s giving too much. If your child wants another cookie, you can find it really hard to say no because hey, maybe they just need a little treat to feel good and you can empathize with that, or because that snack-time moment you just shared felt so good, who wants it to end?This parenting identity can easily give more than they have. They will let a child sleep with them, even if it means they get no rest at all, or they will sign them up for soccer, even though it’s a monstrous journey getting there, and they can’t think of a less exciting sport to cheer, because they want their kids to feel loved, supported and to have good opportunities. It’s easy for Nurturers to lose sense of their boundaries for space and time, because they prioritize everyone else’s needs first. But to feel energized they should feel free to say no sometimes, and to do less without feeling guilty. (We know! That’s so hard…) What Nurturers fear: You give yourself sleepless nights worrying that you misunderstood your child, or you weren’t fair to them. In fact, you worry all the time about them feeling unseen or dismissed. Could it be that you have felt this too? That could be worth exploring. What the Nurturer wishes for: Kind, empathetic kids who feel seen and heard. What the Nurturer secretly wishes for (you may not even have registered this): That your child didn’t need quite so much from you. When things go wrong you…Blame yourself. You think, “I messed that up,” and “If I'd only listened more, or read the situation better. (Even though you gave just about everything you had at that moment). One tip for the Nurturer to feel more engaged and energized: You’ll feel energized when you can meet your child’s need for compassion and yours too! You deserve to show yourself compassion as well. Try this: [ADD TIP HERE}Hey Nurturer, do you ever struggle with the morning routine? Many Nurturers find that their kids have a lot of wants and needs in the mornings. Trying to respond to each and every one often means you end up running out of the door late. How would you like for mornings to run smoothly, keep connected with your child and make it out of the house on time?Join me for Relaxed Routines CTAYou’ll learn the ways that Nurturers like you can ensure you all feel heard and understood without wrecking your morning schedule. Sound good? Sign up here to save your spot. Hold up — let me introduce myself!Hey there, I’m Sonali 👋 A deeply feeling, compassionate, parent coach and cheerleader, founder of the Raising Your Strong-willed Child Summit, speaker and educator, disability advocate and single mom of 3 wonderful complex kids.A LITTLE BACKGROUND... I didn't want to be the only one in my family with pink skin and white hair (my family is Indian in origin, and I look nothing like them. People, like me, with albinism, have bodies that make little, or no melanin, which determines hair, eye and skin color, among other things).The short of it is, I felt like I stood out for all the wrong reasons, so…I tried to fit in.Later, I learned I was visually impaired and really didn't see things the same as everyone else.I didn't like how folks made fun of my sight disability, but I didn't want their pity either.So rather than raise my hand and voice my needs?I tried to fit in.And then when I had kids? What worked like magic for other parents ended for us in mega meltdowns.But even then I kept doing what the experts told me would work.A.K.A - I tried to fit in. (It didn’t work because doing the things that don’t work over and over again only bring the same frustrating results!)Where was Sonali in all this?Standing over there in the corner, head in my hands, catastrophizing, that’s where!But really, what “fitting in” really meant was denying myself and my life. Wishing away my body, my personality - and my kids' personalities in the name of appearing normal.But what's normal anyway?No wonder I felt miserable!You see, in denying myself for so long, it got hard knowing what I really needed, and what my kids needed too.Which resulted in a lot of stuck feelings. A lot of frustration. A lot of fighting. And waterfalls of tears.Boundaries became my touchstone, helping me: Stop enforcing rules I didn’t believe in just because everyone else had those rules. Fostering connection to blossom naturally - rather than forcing it.Recognize when a tool like Special Time would be useful - but also recognize if I could give it the full heart it deserved. Understand where my kids misunderstood my meaning, and where I misunderstood theirs. So that I could finally embrace who I was and who we are as a family - with all our little weirdnesses and unpredictable reactions. When trying to fit in didn't work in my life and in my parenting I started doing it differently and guess what... today I can say firmly that I love who I am, the life I lead, and my relationship with my children even though it has been a long and - not gonna lie - messy road getting here.Now I support others, whether it’s sibling conflict or school troubles, I give parents the guidance they need to raise happy, healthy and connected families. Looking for a few more resources? Fill up on these...Follow me on Instagram @raisingyourstrongwilledchild and join my Facebook Group "Raising Your Strong Willed Child" to stay in the loop and find more support there. Plus you’ll find a backlog of need-to-know parenting tips!Think you could use a little extra support? Check out my offering on the Forward Together Parenting website and book a free consultation with me today! Together, we’ve got this 🙌P.S Expect to see me in your inbox soon with more parenting type tips