Discovering your attachment style is the first step toward healing and transforming your relationships.Note: Please answer from the perspective of how you typically feel. Those who relate to disorganized attachment can skew their results slightly if their anxious or dismissive avoidant aspect has been recently activated!
How do you feel when your partner or loved one doesn’t respond to your calls or texts right away?
A.
I feel anxious and start to worry about the relationship
B.
I feel indifferent and don’t mind waiting
C.
I feel confused, sometimes anxious, and other times detached
2.
How comfortable are you being single or on your own for lengthy periods of time?
A.
It depends, sometimes I really crave being in a relationship or with friends, other times I love my own space
B.
I don’t like it at all, I’m much happier when I’m with ‘my person’ or with friends
C.
I’m happy in my own company, so being on my own is comfortable for me
3.
When you’re in a relationship, do you often worry that your partner might leave you?
A.
No, I’m confident they won’t
B.
Yes, I worry about it often
C.
My feelings vary, sometimes I worry and other times I don’t care
4.
How do you typically react when your partner wants to talk about emotional issues?
A.
I’m eager to talk and often feel the need to resolve issues quickly
B.
I avoid these conversations if I can because they make me uncomfortable
C.
I feel conflicted—part of me wants to talk and resolve it but another part finds the idea overwhelming and wants to either shut down or get some distance
5.
How comfortable are you with showing your emotions?
A.
It depends on the situation, sometimes I show my emotions, other times I keep them to myself
B.
I wear my heart on my sleeve, I’m comfortable sharing my emotions
C.
Very uncomfortable showing my emotions, I don’t like being vulnerable
6.
When you feel your partner is pulling away, what do you usually do?
A.
I try to get closer and seek reassurance
B.
I feel torn—I might cling to them or push them away, depending on the moment
C.
I pull away as well, keeping my distance
7.
How do you feel about being alone?
A.
I have mixed feelings—sometimes I like it, but other times I want to be close to someone
B.
I feel lonely and uneasy without someone close to me
C.
I prefer being alone and feel more comfortable that way
8.
When your partner or loved one tries to get closer to you emotionally, how do you usually respond?
A.
I welcome it and want to be closer!
B.
I feel suffocated and want to push them away or I put walls up
C.
I feel both a desire for closeness and a slight fear of it, leading to confusion
9.
Do you find yourself often thinking about past relationships or fearing that history might repeat itself?
A.
No, I rarely think about my past relationships
B.
Yes, but my thoughts are often disorganized and conflicting
C.
Yes, I worry a lot about past patterns repeating
10.
How do you feel about relying on others for emotional support?
A.
Really good! I’m comfortable reaching out to others for emotional support
B.
I’m conflicted—part of me wants support, but another part resists it
C.
I prefer to handle things on my own and don’t like to rely on others
11.
When you’ve argued with a partner or someone close to you, what is your typical reaction?
A.
I feel overwhelmed and may react unpredictably—sometimes with anger, sometimes with withdrawal - it depends on the circumstances
B.
I become distant and prefer not to engage
C.
I feel anxious and want to resolve it immediately
12.
How do you feel when someone tries to get close to you physically or emotionally?
A.
I long for closeness and connection, so I welcome it
B.
I feel uncomfortable and try to maintain some distance
C.
I feel conflicted, sometimes wanting closeness and other times pushing it away
13.
When someone you care about is upset, how do you usually react?
A.
I can go either way—part of me wants to help them but if they’re emotional, it can be a bit overwhelming and make me feel uncomfortable
B.
I become very concerned and want to fix it and help them feel better
C.
I feel detached and may not get involved - especially if it has nothing to do with me
14.
How do you react when your partner or loved one sets boundaries with you?
A.
I respect their boundaries and keep my own distance
B.
I feel anxious or even panicky and worry that they’re pulling away from me
C.
I feel slightly confused. Whilst I want to respect their boundary, part of me wants to lash out or push against it or pull away completely
15.
Do you find it difficult to trust others, especially in close relationships?
A.
I have mixed feelings—sometimes I trust easily, other times I’m very suspicious
B.
I find it hard to trust and often keep my guard up
C.
I want to trust but often feel anxious about being betrayed or abandoned
16.
When thinking about long-term relationships, what are your thoughts?
A.
I crave long-term commitment but worry it might not last
B.
My feelings are conflicted—at times I desire it, at other times I feel a bit fearful or resistant to it
C.
I’m unsure if I want a long-term commitment and often feel it’s not for me
17.
How do you feel about expressing your needs and desires in a relationship or friendship?
A.
I can usually express them but worry about how they will be received. Sometimes I don’t say anything though in case they end up leaving me
B.
I rarely express them, preferring to keep things to myself
C.
I struggle with expressing my needs, sometimes oversharing and other times shutting down
18.
When your partner expresses love or affection, how do you feel?
A.
Sometimes I feel happy while other times I might feel wary or disconnected
B.
I feel relieved and reassured
C.
I feel uncomfortable and may downplay or dismiss it
19.
In your relationships, do you feel like you’re always seeking validation from your partner?
A.
Yes, I often need reassurance and validation
B.
No, I rarely seek validation from others
C.
I sometimes seek validation but also push it away, feeling unsure about it
20.
How do you react to the idea of being vulnerable with someone?
A.
I avoid vulnerability and keep my emotions to myself
B.
I feel a strong push-pull—wanting to be vulnerable but also fearing it
C.
I feel anxious but also believe it’s necessary for closeness
21.
Do you find yourself frequently questioning whether your partner truly cares about you?
A.
Yes, I often worry about their level of care and commitment
B.
No, I don’t usually question it
C.
Sometimes I worry, but other times I know I’ll be okay on my own anyway
22.
When you’re in a close relationship, do you feel more secure or more anxious?
A.
More secure—I feel confident and in control
B.
More anxious—I worry about the relationship’s stability
C.
It varies—I sometimes feel secure but can quickly become anxious or avoidant
