The Attachment Style Quiz

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Quiz Questions

1.
I can be emotionally present with others, but it takes time to build trust and share vulnerable things about myself...
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
2.
I often expect the worst to happen in my relationships…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
3.
I often find myself confused about what I want in my relationship(s)
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
4.
I feel naturally comfortable and safe expressing my feelings and needs...
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
5.
I feel very upset when others infringe on my need for space or time alone...
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
6.
I tend to be out of touch with my emotions and needs quite often…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
7.
I often fear being smothered by my partner(s)…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
8.
I constantly crave emotional closeness with my partner(s) and struggle if I don’t receive it…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
9.
I am effective at compromising and communicating…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
10.
It is difficult for me to set boundaries unless I am angry. I can sometimes set excessive boundaries and push people away too dramatically out of anger…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
11.
If I notice my partner(s) showing any signs of wanting closeness, I panic and try to get away as fast as I can...
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
12.
It is not uncommon for me to experience emotional turbulence in my romantic relationships…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
13.
I often feel very hot or very cold towards my partner(s). I tend to operate in extremes in how I relate to others…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
14.
When I feel hurt by my partner(s), I often have a strong fight or flight response. I find myself wanting to push this person as far away as possible…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
15.
I do not feel as though I need anything from my romantic partner(s)...
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
16.
Whenever I am in a relationship I often fantasize about being single…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
17.
If my partners behaviour hurts me, I will express my feelings and try to understand what caused them to act that way…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
18.
I hunger for closeness, but I fear the emotional difficulty of it at the same time...
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
19.
I find that setting boundaries comes naturally to me…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
20.
I focus much more on the relationships in my life than I do on myself…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
21.
In a relationship, I would prefer to spend most of my free time with my partner(s). It would be hard for me to want to do things separately…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
22.
I feel that it is easy to be vulnerable with my romantic partner(s)...
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
23.
I find that my partner(s) usually emotionally recover from conflict before I do…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false
24.
I deeply fear being abandoned by my partner(s)…
- A.
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  This is mostly true
- B.
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  This is mostly false

Quiz Outcomes

1.
Secure
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Congrats, – by completing the "Attachment Style Quiz", you've shown your commitment to having secure relationships.Based on your responses, your attachment style is Secure. So what does that actually mean? You're comfortable both on your own and with others, and while you enjoy sharing quality time people, you don't depend on others to make you happy.As a securely attached person, you are likely someone who can move in and out of connection with ease and are able to maintain your separate sense of self within a relationship while still having an identity within the relationship. You are likely good at balancing your own needs with the needs of your partner(s) and the relationship. In romantic relationships, you are confident in yourself. You don't worry about rejection or lose yourself in your partner's personality. You know your boundaries and how to express them without coming off cold.Research shows that about 50% of the worlds population has a secure attachment style. No matter what your attachment style is, there's always room to improve. With a little help, you can learn to listen, communicate, and create your best connections yet.3 Essential Skills to Build even more Secure Relationships...1) Name your fears and insecuritiesIt is absolutely essential in relationships to name what you fear. If you do not talk it out it will be acted out. When we name it, we make the unconscious conscious and it can now be brought into the light to be worked with. If we don't talk about it, and keep it hidden, it will lurk in the shadows and eventually wreak havoc in the relationship. Hiding our fears can be confusing for the other person because it leaves them guessing what might be going on and this could be playing into a fear of theirs as well. This just compounds the insecurity in the relationship.2) Practice VulnerabilityRevealing what we are scared of in a relationship is probably the hardest thing for anyone relationally. When we do this, we are essentially handing over the power to someone to hurt us because they know our vulnerabilities. However, when we reveal our fears we are also handing over the power to someone to support us and help us heal our fears. We are saying "I need your help to face this fear so I can grow". You will know you have found a secure relationship when you feel supported in facing your fears within the relationship.3) Learn to listenRelationships are like dancing with a partner, we have to learn to lead, and we have to learn to follow. Secure relationships have an equal balance in sharing and listening. If we want to be heard and understood in our relationships we need to learn how to listen. When someone feels heard and understood by us, they are more likely to return the favour and this is how trust is built in the relationship. Listening can go a long way in fostering a sense of security in a relationship. I teach a process called active listening in my workshops and also with the couples that I work with and it's been a game changer for them.Are you looking to improve your relational intelligence?Grab a copy of my new book: The Secure Attachment Handbook ~Essential Wisdom & Skills to Build Secure Relationships~
2.
Dismissive-Avoidant
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Congrats, – by completing the "Attachment Style Quiz", you've shown your commitment to having secure relationships.Based on your responses, your attachment style is Dismissive-Avoidant. So what does that actually mean? You may be uncomfortable with closeness, and you prefer spending time alone because relationships may have been a cause of pain and overwhelm in your past.Avoidant attachment is where someone becomes dismissive in their relationships and has a hard time moving into connection. People who are avoidantly attached often seek space because they fear intimacy will becoming smothering and they will lose their freedom. As someone with a Dismissive-Avoidant attachment style, you may have a hard time moving into connection. You may be pretty good at having space and being independent but this may be motivated by a fear of intimacy. You may also have a fear of abandonment and this may be why you avoid connection in the first place. In romantic relationships, you may struggle to trust your partner. Rather than fearing being alone, you might actually welcome it, as you value independence and freedom over all else and don't want anyone holding you back.No matter what your attachment style is, there's always room to improve. With a little help, you can learn to listen, communicate, and create your best connections yet.3 Essential Skills to Building a Secure Relationship...1) Name your fears and insecuritiesIt is absolutely essential in relationships to name what you fear. If you do not talk it out it will be acted out. When we name it, we make the unconscious conscious and it can now be brought into the light to be worked with. If we don't talk about it, and keep it hidden, it will lurk in the shadows and eventually wreak havoc in the relationship. Hiding our fears can be confusing for the other person because it leaves them guessing what might be going on and this could be playing into a fear of theirs as well. This just compounds the insecurity in the relationship.2) Practice VulnerabilityRevealing what we are scared of in a relationship is probably the hardest thing for anyone relationally. When we do this, we are essentially handing over the power to someone to hurt us because they know our vulnerabilities. However, when we reveal our fears we are also handing over the power to someone to support us and help us heal our fears. We are saying "I need your help to face this fear so I can grow". You will know you have found a secure relationship when you feel supported in facing your fears within the relationship.3) Learn to listenRelationships are like dancing with a partner, we have to learn to lead, and we have to learn to follow. Secure relationships have an equal balance in sharing and listening. If we want to be heard and understood in our relationships we need to learn how to listen. When someone feels heard and understood by us, they are more likely to return the favour and this is how trust is built in the relationship. Listening can go a long way in fostering a sense of security in a relationship. I teach a process called active listening in my workshops and also with the couples that I work with and it's been a game changer for them.Are you ready to develop more security in your attachment style?Grab a copy of my new book: The Secure Attachment Handbook ~Essential Wisdom & Skills to Build Secure Relationships~
3.
Anxious-Preoccupied
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Congrats, – by completing the "Attachment Style Quiz", you've shown your commitment to having secure relationships.Based on your responses, your attachment style is Anxious-Preoccupied. So what does that actually mean? You crave closeness, and when you don't get it you might become anxious and over-focus on your partner.Anxious attachment is where someone experiences anxiety in their relationships leading to preoccupation with their partner. People who are anxiously attached are often seeking excessive amounts of closeness because they fear abandonment and rejection. As someone with an Anxious-Preoccupied attachment style, you may have a hard time moving out of connection. You may be pretty good at moving into connection but space from your partner(s) may lead to anxiety and rumination about what your partner is doing. This can lead to self-abandonment because you become too preoccupied with your partner and lose connection to yourself. In romantic relationships, you go above and beyond to please your partner... even if that means occasionally crossing your own boundaries. You may also lose yourself in relationships by adopting the other person's personality.No matter what your attachment style is, there's always room to improve. With a little help, you can learn to listen, communicate, and create your best connections yet.3 Essential Skills to Building a Secure Relationship...1) Name your fears and insecuritiesIt is absolutely essential in relationships to name what you fear. If you do not talk it out it will be acted out. When we name it, we make the unconscious conscious and it can now be brought into the light to be worked with. If we don't talk about it, and keep it hidden, it will lurk in the shadows and eventually wreak havoc in the relationship. Hiding our fears can be confusing for the other person because it leaves them guessing what might be going on and this could be playing into a fear of theirs as well. This just compounds the insecurity in the relationship.2) Practice VulnerabilityRevealing what we are scared of in a relationship is probably the hardest thing for anyone relationally. When we do this, we are essentially handing over the power to someone to hurt us because they know our vulnerabilities. However, when we reveal our fears we are also handing over the power to someone to support us and help us heal our fears. We are saying "I need your help to face this fear so I can grow". You will know you have found a secure relationship when you feel supported in facing your fears within the relationship.3) Learn to listenRelationships are like dancing with a partner, we have to learn to lead, and we have to learn to follow. Secure relationships have an equal balance in sharing and listening. If we want to be heard and understood in our relationships we need to learn how to listen. When someone feels heard and understood by us, they are more likely to return the favour and this is how trust is built in the relationship. Listening can go a long way in fostering a sense of security in a relationship. I teach a process called active listening in my workshops and also with the couples that I work with and it's been a game changer for them.Are you ready to develop more security in your attachment style?Grab a copy of my new book: The Secure Attachment Handbook ~Essential Wisdom & Skills to Build Secure Relationships~
4.
Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized)
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Congrats, – by completing the "Attachment Style Quiz", you've shown your commitment to having secure relationships.Based on your responses, your attachment style is Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized). So what does that actually mean? You long for intimacy, but it makes you uncomfortable, so you may hold yourself back because you are scared of being hurt.Fearful-avoidant attachment is where someone exhibits both anxious and avoidant tendencies in a relationship. People who are disorganized often seek closeness and once they have it become overwhelmed by fear and seek space. As someone with Fearful-Avoidant attachment style, you may have a hard time in relationships due to the push/pull nature of your attachment style. You may find yourself going back and forth between wanting to invest in the relationship and wanting to protect yourself. You may tend to be conscious of your fears of abandonment and intimacy, making it hard to establish any lasting and meaningful connections without being overwhelmed by fear or avoidance. In romantic relationships, you may struggle to trust your partner and seek constant confirmation of their love. If the other person doesn't understand your attachment style, they might see your behavior as inconsistent or hot and cold.No matter what your attachment style is, there's always room to improve. With a little help, you can learn to listen, communicate, and create your best connections yet.3 Essential Skills to Building a Secure Relationship...1) Name your fears and insecuritiesIt is absolutely essential in relationships to name what you fear. If you do not talk it out it will be acted out. When we name it, we make the unconscious conscious, and it can now be brought into the light to be worked with. If we don't talk about it, and keep it hidden, it will lurk in the shadows and eventually wreak havoc in the relationship. Hiding our fears can be confusing for the other person because it leaves them guessing what might be going on and this could be playing into a fear of theirs as well. This just compounds the insecurity in the relationship.2) Practice VulnerabilityRevealing what we are scared of in a relationship is probably the hardest thing for anyone relationally. When we do this, we are essentially handing over the power to someone to hurt us because they know our vulnerabilities. However, when we reveal our fears, we are also handing over the power to someone to support us and help us heal our fears. We are saying "I need your help to face this fear so I can grow". You will know you have found a secure relationship when you feel supported in facing your fears within the relationship.3) Learn to listenRelationships are like dancing with a partner, we have to learn to lead, and we have to learn to follow. Secure relationships have an equal balance in sharing and listening. If we want to be heard and understood in our relationships we need to learn how to listen. When someone feels heard and understood by us, they are more likely to return the favour and this is how trust is built in the relationship. Listening can go a long way in fostering a sense of security in a relationship. I teach a process called active listening in my workshops and also with the couples that I work with, and it's been a game changer for them.Are you ready to develop more security in your attachment style?Grab a copy of my new book: The Secure Attachment Handbook ~Essential Wisdom & Skills to Build Secure Relationships~